This post is titled This was gonna be a post of hope. by author SoulJah. Hope. Hope for a miracle. Hope for a friend that has battled her cancer for almost a year now that slipped into a coma just a few days ago to miraculously spring back and make a complete recovery. Hope.

But alas, god loved her more and took her away from the pain, from the struggle, from us.

It all started about a year ago, as all of us have already finished our first year exams and was waiting our supervised work experience that was going to commence in July. Everyone was excited, everyone was looking forward to it. Except one. The devastating news of her cancer was a wake up call to all of us.

She continued soldiering on, we continued our support. Even so, it was hard for me to even bring myself to look a person so innocent, so undeserving, to be stripped of dignity of even having a full head of hair, the unfairness of it all was overbearing. But her cheery disposition almost makes us forget why we were visiting her at the hospital, talking about her painful chemotheraphy as if it was just some weekly activity that she willingly partakes.

Days turn to weeks. Weeks turn to months. And last I heard was that she made a complete recovery and was due to retake the Supervised Work Experience portion of her Higher National Diploma. Although she had to take her medical leave for a year, her medical condition warrants a thorough fight with her cancer, and if the school deems that she would be illegible to rejoin the program, they'd find themselves 70 angry voices from our department.

Everyone was relieved to have heard that she was making a full recovery. Everyone was looking forward to see her again. Everyone was waiting for her to take her seat alongside us all again at the concourse.

But it was god's will and god's will always prevail.

Just today, the class was organizing to visit her again at the hospital. After much prodding, I found that the she had gone back to the hospital since last month, and just slipped into coma just a few days ago.

Nothing could have prepared me to the image I saw at that small room. And small enough as it is, the more I stare at her still body, the more the room shrinks, my eye fixated on her troubled breathing and her occasional grunts. I couldn't take it. But I couldn't shed a tear either. The damn contact lenses...

Another batch of our class later arrived, and I told them to just be ready for the image they're about to see. Sure enough, they came out speechless, the beads of tears in their eyes, as had I.

But even now, what struck me the most was her mother's strength, to keep her composure during the ordeal. If it was my mother and it was me on the bed, sure enough she'd be wailing and crying for the whole week.

I touched her cold foot before I went, just as if to say, may god be with you, and in turn, she grunted, still eyes closed, as if to acknowledge my message, as if to acknowledge the touch.

At 7:17 pm, Fandi called to tell me the bad news. Wiping the sleep from my eye, the news sent a shiver down my spine. I immediately called everyone that was there this afternoon to pay our respect for the last time at the hospital, and most that were there this afternoon were there to pay their respect their.

I went with another friend to the door of her room and her father, still keeping his composure, and was told to go in to say prayers for her. Feeling rather awkward as it was just her family in there, but out of respect I just stood there and said prayers as well. Again, nothing prepared me to stare at her lifeless body, as I quickly looked elsewhere, anywhere else in the room. Still, I'd still have that image of her in my head for a long time to come.

May you rest in peace, our dear friend.

Posted by SoulJah at 9:32:00 PM

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