This post is titled Nice site here. by author SoulJah. But what particularly got me was this entry...

If you've read some of the other editorials on this site, you may know that I used to be a nice guy. I went out of my way to make people happy. That alone was enough for me, I didn't expect reciprocation. But, when I went through rough times, it was easy to see that those I did so much for were nowhere to be found. It hurt, a lot. Forced me to change who I was. No longer did I do things for people's happiness - I didn't do things for people at all. If I did, there was always the "What do I get out of it?" angle. And at times, I wasn't even remotely nice to the general population.

The anger faded eventually and I was able to become less of a jerk, but I still didn't do things for others unless they'd established themselves as a friend, and I saw some possible benefit for myself in it. But then my girlfriend came along, and slowly I opened up to her as I loved her. I went out of my way, pretty much all the time, for her (sacrificing a lot of time, money, among other things). She rarely if ever reciprocated, and it did bother me, but I held my ground and hoped one day she'd change and be more giving.

Then, that bitch hurt me in the worst possible way. I mean, I've been counselor to a lot of love problems, and I've heard a lot of downright shitty treatment, but I honestly can't think of anything worse than what she did. Yeah, she's a terrible person and I am in no way repsonsible for the break-up. But I was angry at myself. I'd done it again. I'd given my all for someone so wretched, so undeserving. More than her awfulness, that was eating me inside. I felt my heart turning black again, as I wondered what the point of ever being nice again was.

And now I've got Moeko's owl.

Source : http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/japanese/owl.html

I know the feeling.

Outpost Nine

Posted by SoulJah at 7:07:00 PM

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