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This post is titled by author SoulJah.
EDITED : Sorry another post without words... Me myself can imagine that the picture tells what I'm feeling right now... I wanna punch a mirror, letting the shards sticking into my hands, lighting up a smoke, and think clearly for once in my life... Seeing the blood flow, feeling it drain away from me, it'd make me aware of my own body, my own soul, my own heart but more importantly, my own brain...
I may have brought this upon myself, may have *UNINTENTIONALLY* brought it upon myself, but I won't deny the fact that I brought this upon myself... Questions that's been racing through my brain always be proceeded by the question "Why...?" "Why...?" "Why...?"
"Does it have to do with anything? Or just nothing?" "Am I being paranoid? Or guarded?" "Am I getting in touch with the little kid in me? The one that gets scared? The one that cowers? The one that lets it all bottled up?"
As I'm writing this, I can almost not feel my heart beating... Just feels like it ya know... I'm not taking my life or anything... If I was, it'd be the most spectacular event that everyone would be traumatized for their whole life, and if they're carrying a baby while witnessing that, their baby would be a nutjob too... Yes, only a few people know how, (if, rather) I'll go out...
How simple things can destroy the mightiest of structures... Hell, if it doesn't really destroy it, it can sure as hell make it shake and sway... And if it's started to shake and sway, by nature it won't come to a halt... Like a pendulum, slowly rocking to the extremes, then a moment of rest, then swaying to the extremes again... But this ain't a pendulum... The structure will crumble, if pushed to the side one time too many...
Oh how I wonder how a girl would take this situation I'm facing right now... Crying, bawling, sobbing like mad... But as a guy, I really don't have that luxury... I'll stick to thinking of punching my hand through my bathroom mirror...
I still remember the night that my Grandfather died, I can still remember how I kissed his cold deceased forehead that very morning... That night, I asked the same questions I'm asking right now, well more or less the same... That night I let my thoughts run like mad, running and running, and running some more... Running until I felt tired, felt tired of the thinking, of all the crazy thoughts... But yeah, I was scared... Really scared... Hell I can even remember my heart not beating that same moment... I cowered under my sheets... Afraid of peeking out, peeking out to the day after, because it was so uncertain, so random, full of variables...
I'm damn scared...
EDITED : Sorry another post without words... Me myself can imagine that the picture tells what I'm feeling right now... I wanna punch a mirror, letting the shards sticking into my hands, lighting up a smoke, and think clearly for once in my life... Seeing the blood flow, feeling it drain away from me, it'd make me aware of my own body, my own soul, my own heart but more importantly, my own brain...
I may have brought this upon myself, may have *UNINTENTIONALLY* brought it upon myself, but I won't deny the fact that I brought this upon myself... Questions that's been racing through my brain always be proceeded by the question "Why...?" "Why...?" "Why...?"
"Does it have to do with anything? Or just nothing?" "Am I being paranoid? Or guarded?" "Am I getting in touch with the little kid in me? The one that gets scared? The one that cowers? The one that lets it all bottled up?"
As I'm writing this, I can almost not feel my heart beating... Just feels like it ya know... I'm not taking my life or anything... If I was, it'd be the most spectacular event that everyone would be traumatized for their whole life, and if they're carrying a baby while witnessing that, their baby would be a nutjob too... Yes, only a few people know how, (if, rather) I'll go out...
How simple things can destroy the mightiest of structures... Hell, if it doesn't really destroy it, it can sure as hell make it shake and sway... And if it's started to shake and sway, by nature it won't come to a halt... Like a pendulum, slowly rocking to the extremes, then a moment of rest, then swaying to the extremes again... But this ain't a pendulum... The structure will crumble, if pushed to the side one time too many...
Oh how I wonder how a girl would take this situation I'm facing right now... Crying, bawling, sobbing like mad... But as a guy, I really don't have that luxury... I'll stick to thinking of punching my hand through my bathroom mirror...
I still remember the night that my Grandfather died, I can still remember how I kissed his cold deceased forehead that very morning... That night, I asked the same questions I'm asking right now, well more or less the same... That night I let my thoughts run like mad, running and running, and running some more... Running until I felt tired, felt tired of the thinking, of all the crazy thoughts... But yeah, I was scared... Really scared... Hell I can even remember my heart not beating that same moment... I cowered under my sheets... Afraid of peeking out, peeking out to the day after, because it was so uncertain, so random, full of variables...
I'm damn scared...
Posted by SoulJah at 2:09:00 AM
