This post is titled by author Anonymous. This lil rant is back. A fren of mine was too dumb to search the fucking archives.. sothis is for you my dumb witted friend. Havent had the mood to insult her lyrics yet. Maybe i'll do that soon.
People close to me usually wonder what the fuck is my problem with Avril LaVagina.. i mean Avril Lavigne. Well, I have done some research on the little bitch and i'm going to try and summarise my contempt for the cunt. Before I start, this is for the Avril fans, while i am dissing your new found hero, take these comments to heart and cry at how stupid Avril really is. "How could he hate Avril?", u may wonder. "I mean, her songs are so deep! Her clothes are so cute! She doesn't care what anyone thinks of her! She's like, totally punk rawk!" Well, my little brainwashed ones, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree. SHE IS NOT PUNK AND SHE IS NOT ROCK!! "HOW CAN U SAY THAT CONARTIST?! SHE WRITES HER OWN SONGS AND PLAYS THE GUITAR" I piss on that. That cunt, Avril, is merely a record company's bitch. Their whore. She is their slave in their endless pursuit of looking for ca$h. I shall now take a proper breakdown of my hatred for Avril's music, image, fakeness, and hypocrisy.

The Music:

-SongWriting

In J-14's August issue, Avril explained her songwriting process. "Once I sit down with the guitar, I write about what I'm feeling that day." However, in the July 1st edition of Time Magazine, Ms. Lavigne admitted, "I sit down with a guitar player usually."

Ooopsss... silly Miss Twit made a boo boo... so umm.. how do u write songs, Ms LaVagina? A look at the songwriting credits on her album will reveal that EACH song was cowritten with a multitude of professional songwriters. Anyone can spit out a couple rhyming sentences, maybe even a melody here or there, when they're being guided by experts. (Britney Spears did it- is it necessary for me to say much more?. *but it cant be. Avril hates Britney*) One can't help but wonder just how much of those songs was written by Avril. Yet, in that same J-14 article, she claimed, "I wrote all those songs when I was sixteen." The credits tell otherwise, and somehow I'm not buying the Avril-did-it-all version of the story. Dont get me wrong. There's no big deal in getting a little help. But when she is being potrayed as some amazing songwriter with MASSIVE talent AND a "i- do- things my way" attitude, it gets pretty annoying.

-Guitar Playing

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The bitch learns a few chords and she's a musician?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. BULLSHIT!!! Michelle Branch, now, she is a true musician. When Michelle plays live, she PLAYS the guitar. When she opened up for Hanson, all she had were her songs, her guitar and alot of guts. Avril on the other hand has some dick play her parts for her live. If any of you reading this rant has ever been in a band, you can tell that at most Avril's songs have TWO guitars- a rhythm and a lead. So why does Avril "play".
3 guitars?! Its not like they're playing fucking Champange Supernova!! Any half-decent musician who constantly states that she plays guitar would prove herself. If someone like Britney Spears or Mandy Moore, who call themselves singers/entertainers and not musicians, played guitar for one song during a concert, I'd be impressed. Yet Avril constantly talks about how she plays guitar...why wouldn't she play it live? There's simply no excuse. And playing the few chords that she does know does not constitute a true musician.Furthermore, a look at the album credits show that Avril played guitar for only ONE song. Now that's a real guitar player.

-Lyrics

Dont get me started on her fucking lyrics!!

The Image: (this was taken directly from http://www.recroommagazine.com/articles/avril.htm )

-Avril the Wannabe Punk Rocker

"When it is suggested that even then her tastes were kind of pop-oriented, her head snaps up as though she's been slapped. 'New country,' she says, as though pop music is somehow less cool than new country. Then again, it seems any music is better than pop music in Lavigne's eyes. Later, when it is mentioned that she seems poised for pop stardom, she is quick to correct. 'No, no, no. Rock stardom,' she says forcefully. 'I don't like using the term pop star because that's not my personality. My personality is like a rock star. I'm hardcore.'" (Taken from Nationalpost.com.)

Rock star? Hardcore? Anything but pop? Keep dreaming, Avril. Take one listen to that CD- it's pure pop with a tinge of rock here and there. A song doesn't need slick Neptunes production for it to be radio-friendly pop song that appeals to bubblegum music lovers. And the upbeat track "Naked" is undeniably, well, poppy.

And don't think I'm too evil. I can admit when a song of hers is good. In researching for this article, I downloaded them all. I think "Too Much To Ask" is a pretty good song and "Complicated" consistently gets stuck in my head. However, they're being sung by someone who's always claiming to be one thing, then singing music that's all the opposite. And isn't that what she vents about in "Complicated" anyway?

The next rants are from http://www.recroommagazine.com/articles/avril.htm. I got to tired...

-Avril the Hypocrite

"You're trying to be cool/You look like a fool to me."

The single making Avril famous, "Complicated," is a song about someone who changes their looks and personality to impress other people. Yet, in the video, Avril and crew are trashing the mall and causing all kinds of problems. Avril the rebel even smashes her guitar at the end of the video. (What a shame, it was just like new, seeing as how she strums it maybe three times throughout the entire song.) She tries to come off as this too-cool-for-school bitch with an attitude while she whines about someone who's doing the same thing to her. There's a word for that. I believe it's called hypocrisy.

She's a constant contradiction. She skateboards in the video, poses for publicity shots with the board, tells YM magazine that she's good at it...Yet, in an interview with MTV, she discussed how the director of the "Complicated" video wanted her to skate in it. Ms. Tony Hawk protested, "No, dude, I suck!" Make up your mind, Avril.

Moreover, she recently told Elle Girl, "Today, I rejected some gorgeous publicity shots because they just didn't look like me. I won't wear skanky clothes that show off my booty, my belly, or boobs. I have a great body. I could be Britney. I could be better than Britney."

No one could be Britney. I'm not a huge fan of hers, but her popularity and success are mind-blowing. For Avril to arrogantly declare that she could do even better than one of the most successful teen pop artists ever is ludicrous (and a bit too cocky for my liking). And if she's so against posing in slutty clothes, why didn't she throw in some of that bitchy attitude she seems so proud of and refuse to wear the outfits to begin with? The story simply isn't adding up.

-Avril the Packaged Product

Unless you're living in Tanzania, you've probably noticed that punk music is edging back into the mainstream. The demand for Britney and NSYNC is down and this means less money for the music execs who buy their Porsches and mansions with money made from teen stars. Time for a new plan. It amazes me that so few people see through this. Avril is dressed in Dickies, ties, studded jewelery, Chuck Taylors- most of which isn't usually worn by the pop fans. Furthermore, she's being hyped up as the songwriter/guitarist that I attacked earlier. She calls herself a skater punk, categorizes her music as rock and punk, poses in pictures with a skateboard...yet her music is anything but what such fashion would suggest. Being punk does not come from wearing the right thing. However the image is helping her to sell more records because it's what's popular now. One look through any teen magazine will reveal models dressed in clothing just like hers.

And let's not forget the fake tattoos she wears on her arms. Cause that's like, ya know, sooo totally hardcore. Let me go draw a big skull and crossbones on my arm so that I can be punk too. Please.

Yet another thing adding to her image that sells so well- upon visit to her official website, "Sk8er Boi," the only remotely faster rock song on the album, begins blaring. Obviously, they want the visitors to form an impression of Avril's music based on that song, when in reality, the rest of the album simply doesn't sound like that.

Avril Lavigne just seems fake, plain and simple. She tries to pull off this tormented, wounded puppy look in the "Complicated" video. She emphasizes her songwriting and guitar playing, yet had numerous songwriters work on her album, while the guitar is rarely strapped around her body when the music is live.

A member of an Anti-Avril community on Live Journal pointed out, "And if she takes all this time trying to label all of her music, she probably isn't what she says she is, cause she has to prove everything through her clothes. Your personality should come from the music you create, and if you are that pathetic to keep on classifying it, might as well forget it." Well done. I couldn't have said it better myself.

And I end my rant on my hatred towards Avril with one line: You can't truly be punk if you're not a punk at heart. Same applies to other forms of music. Cheers.

Posted by Anonymous at 11:34:00 PM

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